Limericks

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Limericks

Post by feathers on Mon Apr 07, 2014 5:09 pm

What happened to the first limerick?   Laughing   Anyway, I'll go again with a new first line.....

One day as I walked through the park

Now she enjoys Ouzo with Sprite
Although she`s exceedingly tight
And is mean with the spirit
With nothing to clear it
It keeps her quite happy all night.

But as an alternative tipple

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Re: Limericks

Post by Weneki32 on Mon Apr 07, 2014 6:09 pm

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark


But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple"

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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Mon Apr 07, 2014 9:19 pm

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark
So I got out my gun

But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple"
When licking her lips
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Re: Limericks

Post by Susie on Mon Apr 07, 2014 10:12 pm

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark
So I got out my gun
I thought let's have some fun

But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple"
When licking her lips
She catches the drips

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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Tue Apr 08, 2014 2:52 pm

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark
So I got out my gun
I thought let`s have some fun
And took a quick shot in the dark

A man and his wife on a tandem



But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple "
When licking her lips
She catches the drips
Before her blouse they can stipple


When looking on line for a date


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Re: Limericks

Post by Weneki32 on Wed Apr 09, 2014 2:52 pm

A man and his wife on a tandem
Were pedaling by quite at random


When looking on line for a date
She surfed all night 'til quite late

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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Thu Apr 10, 2014 9:25 pm

A man and his wife on a tandem
Were pedaling by quite at random
When she was in front

When looking on line for a date
She surfed all night `til quite late
She found an Albanian man
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Re: Limericks

Post by feathers on Thu Apr 10, 2014 9:43 pm

A man and his wife on a tandem
Were pedaling by quite at random
When she was in front
Then he bore the brunt


When looking on line for a date
She surfed all night `til quite late
She found an Albanian man
With a really deep tan



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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Thu Apr 10, 2014 10:02 pm

A man and his wife on a tandem
Were pedaling by quite at random
When she was in front
Then he bore the brunt
And the trouble in which she did land `em

I once knew a man from Calcutta


When looking on line for a date
She surfed all night `til quite late
She found an Albanian man
With a really deep tan
Whose name just happened to be Kate


Never one to miss out on a round
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Re: Limericks

Post by Susie on Thu Apr 10, 2014 10:24 pm

I once knew a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter!!



Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found

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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Fri Apr 11, 2014 3:27 pm

I once knew a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter
When he`d had a drink


Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found
He`d hide in the loo
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Re: Limericks

Post by Weneki32 on Fri Apr 11, 2014 6:00 pm

I once knew a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter
When he`d had a drink
H'ed whistle and wink


Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found
He`d hide in the loo
Which caused a long queue

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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Fri Apr 11, 2014 8:26 pm

I once new a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter
When he`d had a drink
He`d whistle and wink
And swear like a man from the gutter

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes

Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found
He`d hide in the loo
Which caused a long queue
And all for the sake of ten pound


The book he was reading was rude
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Re: Limericks

Post by feathers on Fri Apr 11, 2014 10:16 pm

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes
Borrowed from Mabel, who loathes


The book he was reading was rude
It had pictures of girls in the nude



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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Sat Apr 12, 2014 9:24 pm

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes
Borrowed from Mabel, who loathes
Him using her stuff


The book he was reading was rude
It had pictures of girls in the nude
He got caught by his wife
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Re: Limericks

Post by feathers on Fri Apr 18, 2014 5:05 pm

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes
Borrowed from Mabel, who loathes
Him using her stuff
Cos she's had enough


The book he was reading was rude
It had pictures of girls in the nude
He got caught by his wife
And he ran for his life



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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Fri Apr 18, 2014 9:09 pm

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes
Borrowed from Mabel, who loathes
Him using her stuff
`Cos she`s had enough
of trannies following him in droves

Never one to back down from a fight


The book he was reading was rude
It had pictures of girls in the nude
He got caught by his wife
And he ran for his life
Whilst what she was shouting was crude


On my way to town on a bus
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Re: Limericks

Post by feathers on Sat Apr 19, 2014 3:41 pm

Never one to back down from a fight
Fred's likely to kick, scratch and bite


On my way to town on a bus
I sat next to my policeman-friend, Gus

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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Sun Apr 20, 2014 6:12 pm

Never one to back down from a fight
Fred`s likely to kick, scratch and bite
When he isn`t brawling

On my way to town on a bus
I sat next to my policeman-friend ,Gus
He took out his truncheon
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Re: Limericks

Post by feathers on Mon Apr 21, 2014 7:47 pm

Never one to back down from a fight
Fred`s likely to kick, scratch and bite
When he isn`t brawling
You'll find him pub crawling


On my way to town on a bus
I sat next to my policeman-friend ,Gus
He took out his truncheon
And his sandwich luncheon



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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Wed Apr 23, 2014 5:13 pm

Never one to back down from a fight
Fred`s likely to kick,scratch and bite
When he isn`t brawling
You`ll find him pub crawling
And getting exceedingly tight


He fell down a hole in the street


On my way to town on a bus
I sat next to my policeman-friend, Gus
He took out his truncheon
And his sandwich luncheon
And ate it without any fuss


He stepped on a garden rake
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Re: Limericks

Post by Susie on Wed Apr 23, 2014 10:37 pm

He fell down a hole in the street
His face was white as a sheet




He stepped on a garden rake
And a mess of his nose he did make

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Re: Limericks

Post by feathers on Fri Apr 25, 2014 9:51 pm

He fell down a hole in the street
His face was white as a sheet
As he hauled himself out


He stepped on a garden rake
And a mess of his nose he did make
His wife patched it up

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Re: Limericks

Post by grumpy granpa on Sat Apr 26, 2014 12:59 pm

He fell down a hole in the street
His face was as white as a sheet
As he hauled himself out
He met an old trout


He stepped on a garden rake
And a mess of his nose he did make
His wife patched him up
So that beer he could sup
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Re: Limericks

Post by feathers on Sun Apr 27, 2014 9:57 pm

He fell down a hole in the street
His face was as white as a sheet
As he hauled himself out
He met an old trout
Who gave him a purple boiled sweet.

But as soon as it entered his mouth


He stepped on a garden rake
And a mess of his nose he did make
His wife patched him up
So that beer he could sup
And she bought him a Cadbury's Flake.

After that he was feeling much better

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Re: Limericks

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