Limericks

Had a filling at the Dentist today
Got to go back again Friday
`cos when the procaine wore off
I started to cough
And three of my teeth flew away

Saw a play in the West End on Saturday



I watched England play San Marino
So did I, with a bottle of vino
But it would take more than one bottle
The ref I could throttle
Just like that film by Tarantino


I`m waiting for "Gonzalo " to strike

Saw a play in the West End on Saturday
Could not wait til next May



I`m waiting for "Gonzalo " to strike
I've battened the windows and locked up my bike

Saw a play in the West End on Saturday
Could not wait `til next May
Got seats in the stalls

I`m waiting for "Gonzalo " to strike
I`ve battened the widows and locked up my bike
I`ve tied the wife to a stake

Saw a play in the West End on Saturday
Could not wait `til next May
Got seats in the stalls
Away from the walls

I`m waiting for "Gonzalo " to strike
I`ve battened the widows and locked up my bike
I`ve tied the wife to a stake
Not sure what difference that will make

Saw a play in the West End on Saturday
Could not wait `til next May
Got seats in the stalls
Away from the walls
But b***** h***, the amount I had to pay !

Just had a call from my mate in Spain


I`m waiting for "Gonzalo " to strike
I`ve battened the windows and locked up my bike
I`ve tied the wife to a stake
Not sure what difference that will make
Just as long as she`s able to cook me something I like


The wife`s going into Hospital again soon

Just had a call from my mate in Spain
I was watching TV which was a pain

The wife`s going into Hospital again soon
I would not say she is feeling over the moon

Just had a call from my mate in Spain
I was watching TV which was a pain
He said " It`s 90 degrees ! "


The wife`s going into hospital again soon
I would not say she is feeling over the moon
But whilst the cat`s away.....

Just had a call from my mate in Spain
I was watching TV which was a pain
He said " It`s 90 degrees ! "
"And I've got sunburnt knees!"
Hee Hee bet he's hoping for rain!!

I was watchting the boxing on TV tonight

The wife`s going into hospital again soon
I would not say she is feeling over the moon
But whilst the cat`s away.....
Let's make hay....as they say
But hey she will be back on form for Stoupa next June

Anyone cot a cure? I keep sneezing

I was watching the boxing on TV tonight
I thought " hang about,I like the look of that fight "

Anyone got a cure ? I keep sneezing
I hope so, I can`t stand all that wheezing

I was watching the boxing on TV tonight
I thought " hang about,I like the look of that fight "
It was fast and furious

Anyone got a cure ? I keep sneezing
I hope so, I can`t stand all that wheezing
My bin is full of used hankies

I was watching the boxing on TV tonight
I thought " hang about, I look the look of that fight "
It was fast and furious
And I was quite curious

Anyone got a cure ? I keep sneezing
I hope so, I can`t stand all that wheezing
My bin is full of used hankies
That I used whilst watching the Crankies

I really can`t stand these dark evenings
Even in gardens like Chevening`s


On Friday I went for a `flu jab
With my nurse it was more like a stab

I really can`t stand these dark evenings
Even in gardens like Chevening`s
Misty and murky



On Friday I went for a `flu jab
With my nurse it was more like a stab
I steadied and braced myself

I really can`t stand these dark evenings
Even in gardens like Chevening`s
Misty and murky
I feel less than perky


On Friday I went for a `flu jab
With my nurse it was more like a stab
I steadied and braced myself
As she climbed on the shelf

I really can`t stand these dark evenings
Even in gardens like Chevening`s
Misty and murky
I feel less than perky
I hate these Halloween gatherings!!

No kids came knocking tonight


On Friday I went for a `flu jab
With my nurse it was more like a stab
I steadied and braced myself
As she climbed on the shelf
And jumped on me like a crab!!

Why are pencils do hard to sharpen

No kids came knocking tonight
Tho' my pumpkin was showing a light
I had my bag of sweets ready

Why are pencils so hard to sharpen
You'd be better off using an ink pen
But you can't rub pen out

No kids came knocking tonight
Tho' my pumpkin was showing a light
I had my bag of sweets ready
And held my bear, Teddy

Why are pencils so hard to sharpen
You'd be better off using an ink pen
But you can't rub pen out
When you're writing about
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No kids came knocking tonight
Tho` my pumpkin was showing a light
I had my bag of sweets ready
And held my bear,Teddy
`cos I don`t want to be thought of as tight

My computer blew up yesterday

Why are pencils so hard to sharpen
You`d be better off using an ink pen
But you can`t rub ink out
When you`re writing about
Making a bid on some land in medieval France: an Arpen

( Well you try and think of a decent rhyme for sharpen ! )

I might go to Spain next week

My computer blew up yesterday
But for another I just cannot pay

I might go to Spain next week
And have decided I mustn't be meek
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My computer blew up yesterday
But for another I just cannot pay
So from now on its my laptop


I might go to Spain next week
And have decided I mustn't be meek
I shall get on line

My computer blew up yesterday
But for another I just cannot pay
So from now on it`s my laptop
I sure hope that it won`t stop


I might go to Spain next week
And have decided I mustn`t be meek
I shall get on line
Ere I start to pine

My computer blew up yesterday
But for another I just cannot pay
So from now on it`s my laptop
I sure hope that it won`t stop
Or "all my troubles will be here to stay!"

I might go to Spain next week
And have decided I mustn`t be meek
I shall get on line
Ere I start to pine
And at ads for my hols I shall peek.

That reminds me of that great Beatles' song

I will fly out and land at Madrid
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