Limericks

Spare a thought for the birds this winter
Make them a table but avoid a splinter
Fill it with nuts
No ifs and no buts

Tesco have been naughty boys
With over valuing profit ploys?
Share prices have dropped
Such behaviour's been stopped
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Don't forget that they also need water
For parent birds & son and daughter...

Only three more days left in September
Then it's October and November
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Don't forget that they also need water
For parent birds & son and daughter...
Don't let it get frozen
For you have been chosen

Only three more days left in September
Then it's October and November
Time to start Christmas shopping
(For wine - Channel Hopping?)
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Don`t forget that they also need water
For parent birds & son and daughter....
Don`t let it get frozen
For you have been chosen
To change it every hour and a quarter

The Thos Cook rep in Stoupa was awful



Only three more days left in September
Then it`s October and November
Time to start Christmas shopping
( For wine- Channel hopping ? )
Oh No ! I`d rather dismember


The meal on the `plane was pathetic

The Thos Cook rep in Stoupa was awful
Oh dear! I hope there was nothing unlawful!

The meal on the `plane was pathetic
And no-one I told was sympathetic
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The Thos Cook rep in Stoupa was awful
Oh dear ! I hope there was nothing unlawful
Do you mean the thin blonde ?
No, but of her I`m not fond

The meal on the `plane was pathetic
And no-one I told was sympathetic
You`d do better with sarnies
But I don`t like to start barnies

The Thos Cook rep in Stoupa was awful
Oh dear ! I hope there was nothing unlawful
Do you mean the thin blonde ?
No, but of her I`m not fond
But I'm too polite to give her an earful!

The meal on the `plane was pathetic
And no-one I told was sympathetic
You`d do better with sarnies
But I don`t like to start barnies
As I can't run; I'm not really athletic

I like those seats, the ones with more legroom

I much prefer a fine amble and stroll
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I like those seats, the ones with more legroom
A small seat pitch always causes me deep gloom
I can't wait to get out

I much prefer a fine amble and stroll
For rushing around takes its toll
It's good to take time
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I like those seats, the ones with more legroom
A small seat pitch always causes me deep gloom
I can`t wait to get out
Even though I`m not stout

I much prefer a fine amble and stroll
For rushing around takes its toll
It`s good to take time
Surely, it`s no crime

My fantasy was to fly Concorde
But the high prices I couldn't afford

Can anyone give me advice?
On some places to walk, that are nice
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My fantasy was to fly Concorde ( why it had to be French spelling I don`t know ! )
But the high prices I couldn`t afford
So I rang Freddie Laker

Can anyone give me advice
On some places to walk that are nice
I suggest the South Downs

My fantasy was to fly Concorde
But the high prices I couldn`t afford
So I rang Freddie Laker
That old mover and shaker
But I found that he`d long gone overboard

Last night, in my garden, was a Fox


Can anyone give me advice
On some places to walk that are nice
I suggest the South Downs
Or some picturesque towns
Yeah! that should certainly suffice

The wind`s from the North and it`s raining

Last night, in my garden, was a Fox
I`ll bet it was in for some shocks
It dug a hole in the lawn

The wind`s from the North and it`s raining
Summer flowers are now certainly waning
But the bulbs are all in

Last night, in my garden, was a Fox
I`ll bet it was in for some shocks
It dug a hole in the lawn
Which now looks very worn

The wind`s from the North and it`s raining
Summer flowers are now certainly waning
But the bulbs are all in
So "Best Garden" I'll win
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Last night, in my garden, was a Fox
I`ll bet it was in for some shocks
It dug a hole in the lawn
Which now looks very worn
And buried two pairs of socks

Had a filling at the Dentist today



The wind`s from the North and it`s raining
Summer flowers are now certainly waning
But the bulbs are all in
So "Best Garden " I`ll win
`cos with Alan Titchmarsh I`m training

I watched England play San Marino

Had a filling at the Dentist today
Got to go back again Friday

I watched England play San Marino
So did I, with a bottle of vino

Had a filling at the Dentist today
Got to go back again Friday
`Cos when the procaine wore off

I watched England play San Marino
So did I, with a bottle of vino
But it would take more than one bottle

Had a filling at the Dentist today
Got to go back again Friday
`Cos when the procaine wore off
I started to cough

I watched England play San Marino
So did I, with a bottle of vino
But it would take more than one bottle
The ref I could throttle