Limericks

What happened to the first limerick?      Anyway, I'll go again with a new first line.....

One day as I walked through the park

Now she enjoys Ouzo with Sprite
Although she`s exceedingly tight
And is mean with the spirit
With nothing to clear it
It keeps her quite happy all night.

But as an alternative tipple

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark

But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple"
__________________________________

 

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark
So I got out my gun

But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple"
When licking her lips

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark
So I got out my gun
I thought let's have some fun

But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple"
When licking her lips
She catches the drips

One day as I walked through the park
I heard the sweet song of a lark
So I got out my gun
I thought let`s have some fun
And took a quick shot in the dark

A man and his wife on a tandem



But as an alternative tipple
She makes "Creme de Raspberry Ripple "
When licking her lips
She catches the drips
Before her blouse they can stipple


When looking on line for a date

A man and his wife on a tandem
Were pedaling by quite at random

When looking on line for a date
She surfed all night 'til quite late
________________

 

A man and his wife on a tandem
Were pedaling by quite at random
When she was in front

When looking on line for a date
She surfed all night `til quite late
She found an Albanian man

A man and his wife on a tandem
Were pedaling by quite at random
When she was in front
Then he bore the brunt
And the trouble in which she did land `em

I once knew a man from Calcutta


When looking on line for a date
She surfed all night `til quite late
She found an Albanian man
With a really deep tan
Whose name just happened to be Kate


Never one to miss out on a round

I once knew a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter!!



Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found

I once knew a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter
When he`d had a drink


Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found
He`d hide in the loo

I once knew a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter
When he`d had a drink
H'ed whistle and wink

Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found
He`d hide in the loo
Which caused a long queue
______________________

 

I once new a man from Calcutta
The obscenities he used to utter
When he`d had a drink
He`d whistle and wink
And swear like a man from the gutter

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes

Never one to miss out on a round
I joke, he was never to be found
He`d hide in the loo
Which caused a long queue
And all for the sake of ten pound


The book he was reading was rude

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes
Borrowed from Mabel, who loathes
Him using her stuff


The book he was reading was rude
It had pictures of girls in the nude
He got caught by his wife

Young Fred used to wear women`s clothes
Borrowed from Mabel, who loathes
Him using her stuff
`Cos she`s had enough
of trannies following him in droves

Never one to back down from a fight


The book he was reading was rude
It had pictures of girls in the nude
He got caught by his wife
And he ran for his life
Whilst what she was shouting was crude


On my way to town on a bus

Never one to back down from a fight
Fred`s likely to kick, scratch and bite
When he isn`t brawling

On my way to town on a bus
I sat next to my policeman-friend ,Gus
He took out his truncheon

Never one to back down from a fight
Fred`s likely to kick,scratch and bite
When he isn`t brawling
You`ll find him pub crawling
And getting exceedingly tight


He fell down a hole in the street


On my way to town on a bus
I sat next to my policeman-friend, Gus
He took out his truncheon
And his sandwich luncheon
And ate it without any fuss


He stepped on a garden rake

He fell down a hole in the street
His face was white as a sheet




He stepped on a garden rake
And a mess of his nose he did make

He fell down a hole in the street
His face was as white as a sheet
As he hauled himself out
He met an old trout


He stepped on a garden rake
And a mess of his nose he did make
His wife patched him up
So that beer he could sup