Limericks

Make the most of this latest sunshine
For tomorrow it won`t be so fine
Quick ! Fetch in the washing
` cos the ground will be sloshing
And it will be dripping on the line


Had a great Indian meal last night
The kebabs had a really light bite
Though I prefer sushi
And doing the Watutsi
Let's have them all rather than fight

The snooker is getting boring

Will we have snow in the coming days?

The snooker is getting boring
It goes on and on `til I`m snoring
Is it really a sport ?

Will we have snow in the coming days ?
Well I rather hope summer stays
My seaweed says " wet "

The snooker is getting boring
It goes on and on 'til I'm snoring
Is it really a sport?
Yes it is, of a sort

Will we have snow in the coming days?
Well I rather hope summer stays
My seaweed says "wet"
And it's not been wrong yet

______________________________

The snooker is getting boring
It goes on and on `til I`m snoring
Is it really a sport ?
Yes it is, of a sort
Nevertheless, I shall keep on ignoring

Are we all ready to vote ?

We will have snow in the coming days ?
Well I rather hope summer stays
My seaweed says"wet "
And it`s not been wrong yet
Just hope I can cope with the rays

Top Hat was a wonderful show

Are we all ready to vote ?
Yes, will have to post mine or miss the boat

Top Hat was a wonderful show
But the best seats went to those in the know

Are we all ready to vote ?
Yes, will have to post mine or miss the boat
They`re all telling porkies

Top Hat was a wonderful show
But the best seats went to those in the know
We were front row, centre

Are we all ready to vote?
Yes, will have to post mine or miss the boat
They're all telling porkies
As they pat cute little Yorkies

Top Hat was a wonderful show
But the best seats went to those in the know
We were front row, centre
And my programme I lent her

___________________________________

Are we all ready to vote ?
Yes, will have to post mine or miss the boat
They`re all telling porkies
As they pat cute little Yorkies
And spend their expenses on a moat

MY fence blew down in the night


Top Hat was a wonderful show
But the best seats went to those in the know
We were front row,centre
And my programme I lent her
My munificence just continues to grow

I saw Nigel Farage today

MY fence blew down in the night
It didn't put up much of a fight!

I saw Nigel Farage today
With pint and fag he was ready to play

My fence blew down in the night
It didn`t put up much of a fight
The wind was so gusty
And the fence wasn`t trusty

I saw Nigel Farage today
With pint and fag he was ready to play
But I fear by tomorrow
He`ll be drowning his sorrow

My fence blew down in the night
It didn`t put up much of a fight
The wind was so gusty
And the fence wasn`t trusty
I just knew the dust it would bite!!

I saw Nigel Farage today
With pint and fag he was ready to play
But I fear by tomorrow
He`ll be drowning his sorrow
And not be fighting another day

What a shock the elections were

I am fed of with nuisance calls

What a shock the elections were
We just didn`t know what would occur
A massive blow for the Left

I am fed up with nuisance calls
Much more and I`ll be climbing the walls
I just leave the `phone hanging

What a shock the elections were
We just didn`t know what would occur
A massive blow for the Left
Leaving Red Ed bereft
And Cameron won in a blur

I`ve been invigilating an exam today

I am fed up with nuisance calls
Much more and I`ll be climbing the walls
I just leave the `phone hanging
And the caller haranguing
Until the boredom finally palls

I`ve been waiting 2 hours for a plumber

I`ve been invigilating an exam today
The first of many in the month of May


I`ve been waiting 2 hours for a plumber
Don't think they are coming, what a bummer

I`ve been invigilating an exam today
The first of many in the month of May
Students these days are so pampered

I`ve been waiting 2 hours for a plumber
Don`t think they`re coming, what a bummer
He turned up today, 21 hours late

I`ve been invigilating an exam today
The first of many in the month of May
Students these days are so pampered
But with iphones so hampered

I`ve been waiting 2 hours for a plumber
Don`t think they`re coming, what a bummer
He turned up today, 21 hours late
And said he'd got the wrong date

I`ve been invigilating an exam today
The first of many in the month of May
Students these days are so pampered
But with iphones so hampered
But at University they have to pay


I`ve been waiting 2 hours for a plumber
Don`t think they`re coming, what a bummer
He turned up today, 21 hours late
And said he'd got the wrong date
His head is like a piece of lumber!!

Pity the poor people in Nepal


Andy Murray's on a winning streak

Pity the poor people in Nepal
They`re left with hardly anything at all


Andy Murray`s on a winning streak
To win on clay his game he did tweak

Pity the poor people in Nepal
They`re left with hardly anything at all
They really need help


Andy Murray`s on a winning streak
To win on clay his game he did tweak
Now he has pulled out of the Italian

Pity the poor people of Nepal
They`re left with hardly anything at all
They really need help
Following Earthquake and Skelp

Any Murray`s on a winning streak
To win on clay his game he did tweak
Now he has pulled out of the Italian
So much for him being a stallion

Pity the poor people of Nepal
They`re left with hardly anything at all
They really need help
Following Earthquake and Skelp
The world should answer their call

Any Murray`s on a winning streak
To win on clay his game he did tweak
Now he has pulled out of the Italian
So much for him being a stallion
Obviously not quite at his peak

With Lib, Lab and UKIP in turmoil

There once was a man named Roger