Creak!

Growing old ..............

a. Reporters interviewing a 104-year-old woman "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked....She simply replied, "No peer pressure"



b. The nice thing about being senile is you can hide your own Easter eggs.



c. I've sure gotten old:

I've had two bypass surgeries,

A hip replacement,

New knees,

Fought prostate cancer and diabetes,

I'm half blind,

I can't hear anything quieter than a jet engine,

I take 40 different medications that make me dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts,

Have bouts with dementia,

Have poor circulation;

I can hardly feel my hands and feet anymore,

Can't remember if I'm 85 or 92,

Have lost all my friends.

But, thank God, ...... I still have my driver's license!!!



d. I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got my doctor's permission to join a fitness club and start exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired for an hour. But by the time I got my leotard on, the class was over.



e. An elderly woman decided to prepare her will and told her preacher she had two final requests. First, she wanted to be cremated, and second, she wanted her ashes scattered over Marks and Spencer's. "Marks and Spencer's" the preacher exclaimed. "Why Marks and Spencer's?" "Then I'll be sure my daughters visit me twice a week"



f. My memory's not as sharp as it used to be .............. also, my memory's not as sharp as it used to be.



g. Know how to prevent sagging? Just eat till the wrinkles fill out.



h. It's scary when you start making the same noises as your coffee maker.



i. These days about half the stuff in my shopping cart says, "For fast relief."



j. THE SENILITY PRAYER :
Grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

the good fortune to run into the ones I do,

and the eyesight to tell the difference.


k. Always Remember this: You don't stop laughing because you grow old, You grow old because you stop laughing.

.........and there's more.......


, Reflections on retirement - retirement quotes



Exchanging wrinkles for pimples does not create a wise man from a fool.




Though the face may wrinkle let the heart retain the smooth expression of eternal youth.




You are never too old to be young or too young to be old – it’s all a matter of perspective.




There is no age which can be termed ‘too old’ – for no matter what your age the years to follow are eagerly awaited with hope and expectation.




As you grow older you realise the true value of friendship - appreciate how important it is to have congenial companions around you. And so autumn friendships, more than those of any other time, are warm and kind and loving.




Even when you are very, very old it’s still possible to do everything you could do as a youth – it just takes a little longer, requires a bit more effort and necessitates having a resuscitation unit on standby.






With every passing year the pendulum of times appears to swing swifter and so each new birthday arrives before you’ve fully recovered from the last.




It is much better, by far, to be seventy and happy than forty and miserable.




Spring is the time for new blossom - a time full of vibrant energy and expectations. Summer is the time for ripening – a time filled with responsibilities and commitments. But the Autumn years are best of all – for this is the time to reap the harvest of life.




Preparation for old age is essential and should be started the moment you turn eighty.




It’s a wise old owl who doesn’t give a hoot about age.




Slow down – it’s the only way to appreciate the view.




Old age holds the key to a treasure trove of memories you did not even know that you possessed.