A Joke thread?

[kidder]

A man is in bed with his wife when there is a rat-a-tat-tat on the door.

He rolls over and looks at his clock, and it's half past three in the

morning. "I'm not getting out of bed at this time," he thinks, and

rolls over. Then, a louder knock follows. "Aren't you going to answer that?" says his wife.

So, he drags himself out of bed and goes downstairs. He opens the door and there is a man standing there.

It doesn't take the homeowner long to realize the man is drunk.

"Hi there," slurs the stranger. "Can you give me a push?"

"No, get lost! It's half past three! I was in bed!" screams the man

as he slams the door. He goes back up to bed and tells his wife what happened.

She remarks, "Dave, that wasn't very nice of you. Remember that

night we broke down in the pouring rain on the way to pick the kids up

from the baby sitter and you had to knock on that man's house to get us

started again? What would have happened if he'd told us to get lost?"

"But the guy was drunk," says the husband.

"It doesn't matter," explains the wife. "He needs our help and it would be nice to help him."

So, the husband gets out of bed again, gets dressed, and goes

downstairs. He opens the door but he can't see the stranger anywhere in

the dark, so he shouts, "Hey, do you still want a push?"

He hears a voice cry out, "Yes, please."

"Where are you?" shouts the homeowner.

The stranger calls back, "I'm over here, on your swing."

[Dawnie]

[Lilian]

Good one, Kidder

[kidder]

An Essex girl goes to the council to register for child benefit.
'How many children?' asks the council worker.
'10' replies the Essex girl.'10?' says the council worker.
'What are their names?''Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne, Wayne and
Wayne.'
'Doesn't that get confusing?' 'Naah...' says the Essex girl 'its great because if they
are out playing in the street I just have to shout WAAYNE, YER DINNER'S READY, or WAAYNE GO TO BED NOW and they all do it...'
'What if you want to speak to one individually?' says the perturbed council worker.
'That's easy,' says the Essex girl... 'I just use their surnames.'

[Chas]

Sadly, that's not as funny as it could have been a couple of years back .......

We've been brain-bending and head-scratching for the last few months, trying to sort out the "GiftAid" return for Scout Group subscriptions.
It's very pleasing, being able to demand a grand from the tax-man

Unfortunately, HMC&E insist on us validating the sum-payments for each child against the GiftAid declaration from the adult tax-payer.

Well over a third of the kids have a surname they don't share with either "parent" ..... we've got a partial solution - match by Postcode and house number :!:

[Sponsored content]