The Smiths

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family.On the day the proxy father was to arrive Mr Smith kissed his wife and said", I'm off, the man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door baby photographer rang the doorbell,hoping to make a sale.
"Good morning madam, I've come to......"
"Oh no need to explain,I''ve been expecting you", Mrs Smith cut in blushing
"Really?" the photographer asked,"well good I've done load's of babies"
"That's what my husband and I had hoped,please come in and have a seat".
After a moment she asked,embarresed "well ,where do we start"?
"Leave everthing to me, I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch and perhaps a couple in the bed, sometimes the livingroom floor
Is fun too, you can really spread out
"Bathtub,livingroom floor? no wonder It did'nt work for Harry and I"
"Well madam none of us can guarantee a good one everytime.But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or severn angles
I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results"
"My that's a lot of...." gasped Mrs Smith
Madam in my line of work, a man must take his time.I'd love to be in and out in 5mins. but you would be disappointed with that,I'm sure"
"Don't I know it ", Mrs Smith said quietly.
The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures.
"This one was done on the top of a bus "he said.
OMG,Mrs Smith explained,tugging at her handkerchief,
" And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you consider the fact that their mother was so difficult to work with".
"She was difficult"? asked Mrs Smith
Yes I'm afraid so, I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four or five feet deep
pushing to get a good look"
"Four and five feet deep? asked Mrs Smith eyes widened in amazement.
"Yes" the photographer said"and for more than 3hours"
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling I could hardly concentrate.
"The darkness approached and I began to rush.Finally, when the squirrel began nibbling my equipment I just packed It all in"
Mrs Smith leaned forward,"you mean they actually chewed on your um... equipment?"
"That's right, well madam, If you are ready I'll set up my tripod so that we can set to work"
"Tripod"???
"Oh yes, I have to use the tripod to rest my Cannon on I'ts much to big for me to hold very long"
Madam? Madam?, Good Lord, she's fainted.

Nice one Jean