Limericks

I've had enough of these men wearing lycra
They look more like a simulacra



Where'd we be without Great British teabags?
We would be like horses without our nosebags!!

I've had enough of these men wearing lycra
They look more like a simulacra
But I've no doubt they're real
Never brave enough to feel

Where'd we be without Great British teabags?
We would be like horses without our nosebags!!
They say tea's like a drug
Said with a shrug

I've had enough of these men wearing lycra
They look more like a simulacra
But I've no doubt they're real
Never brave enough to feel
Even though I married a Biker!

Where'd we be without Great British teabags?
We would be like horses without our nosebags!!
They say tea's like a drug
Said with a shrug
So I have a big stash in my handbag!

Next Sunday they'll arrive in Paris

I have a large collection of tea-pots
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Next Sunday they'll arrive in Paris
To be greeted by the delectable Marie (remember the accent)



I have a large collection of tea-pots
All of them covered in polka dots

Next Sunday they'll arrive in Paris
To be greeted by the delectable Marie (remember the accent)
A finishing sprint

I have a large collection of tea-pots
All of them covered in polka dots
Yellow cosies of course
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Next Sunday they'll arrive in Paris
To be greeted by the delectable Marie (remember the accent)
A finishing sprint
Much iodine and lint

I have a large collection of tea-pots
All of them covered in polka dots
Yellow cosies of course
And loose leaves from source

Next Sunday they'll arrive in Paris
To be greeted by the delectable Marie (remember the accent)
A finishing sprint
Much iodine and lint
Hoping for a prize from Prince Harry!   (Please pronounce accordingly to rhyme!)

I have a large collection of tea-pots
All of them covered in polka dots
Yellow cosies of course
And loose leaves from source
And accompanying cakes there are lots!

At The Games we're doing well in The Pool

I do like a nice cake with my tea
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At The Games we're doing well in The Pool
At least the swimmers are keeping cool



I do like a nice cake with my tea
With a dollop of honey straight from the bee

At The Games we`re doing well in the pool
At least the swimmers are keeping cool
But with Sir Brad only second

I do like a nice cake with my tea
With a dollop of honey straight from the bee
But just a small word of warning

At The Games we`re doing well in the pool
At least the swimmers are keeping cool
But with Sir Brad only second
Although the gold beckoned

I do like a nice cake with my tea
With a dollop of honey straight from the bee
But just a small word of warning
Please do not start yawning
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At The Games we`re doing well in the pool
At least the swimmers are keeping cool
But with Sir Brad only second
Although the gold beckoned
He rode like an idiot, the fool

I went to the Dentist in pain


I do like a nice cake with my tea
With a dollop of honey straight from the bee
But just a small word of warning
Please do not start yawning
Or you`ll get stung on the tonsils, Tee Hee !

I went for a stroll by the sea

I went to the Dentist in pain
I've had too many sweets yet again

I went for a stroll by the sea
To escape the threat of the bee
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I went to the Dentist in pain
I've had too many sweets yet again
I need an extraction

I went for a stroll by the sea
To escape the threat of the bee
But it followed me in

I went to the Dentist in pain
I've had too many sweets yet again
I need an extraction
And suitable distraction

I went for a stroll by the sea
To escape the threat of the bee
But it followed me in
I just couldn't win
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I went to the Dentist in pain
I`ve had too many sweets yet again
I need an extraction
And suitable distraction
Or I`ll be looking at meat in vain

I once met the Queen on a train


I went for a stroll by the sea
To escape the threat of the bee
But it followed me in
I just couldn`t win
So I twatted it with inordinate glee

As I pulled the plug from the bath

I once met the Queen on a train
She was wearing a huge watch and chain
I thought, that is funny

As I pulled the plug from the bath
I heard footsteps outside on the path
With not a stitch on

I once met the Queen on a train
She was wearing a huge watch and chain
I thought, that is funny
`cos with all of her money

As I pulled the plug from the bath
I heard footsteps outside on the path
With not a stitch on
I called out for Yvonne

Something tiny and diamond-encrusted
To her daughter she entrusted

he brought me a large fluffy towel
All decked with ducks and other fowl

Something tiny and diamond encrusted
To her daughter she entrusted
But the boyfriend got wise


he brought me a large fluffy towel
All decked with ducks and other fowl
But when I emerged from the shower

Something tiny and diamond encrusted
To her daughter she entrusted
But the boyfriend got wise
And arranged her demise
So that`s that , all done and dusted

The Lion escaped from its cage


She brought me a large fluffy towel
All decked with ducks and other fowl
But when I emerged from the shower
After only an hour
I looked like a monk with a cowl

I looked at the man with disgust