Hope you get a smile out of these…….

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Hope you get a smile out of these…….

Post by Lilian on Thu Jul 12, 2012 6:44 pm


Why do we love children? ......

1) NUDITY
I was driving with my three young children one warm
summer evening when a woman in the convertible ahead of us stood up
and waved. She was stark naked! As I was reeling from the shock, I
heard my 5-year-old shout from the back seat, 'Mom, that lady isn't
wearing a seat belt!'

2) OPINIONS
On the first day of school, a first-grader handed his
teacher a note from his mother. The note read, 'The opinions expressed
by this child are not necessarily those of his parents.'

3) KETCHUP
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the
jar. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old
daughter to answer the phone. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk
to you right now. She's hitting the bottle.'

4) MORE NUDITY

A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in
the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into
shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little
boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't
you ever seen a little boy before?'

5) POLICE # 1
While taking a routine vandalism report at an
elementary school, I was interrupted by a little girl about 6 years
old. Looking up and down at my uniform, she asked, 'Are you a cop?
Yes,' I answered and continued writing the report. My mother said if I
ever needed help I should ask the police. Is that right?' 'Yes, that's
right,' I told her. 'Well, then,' she said as she extended her foot
toward me, 'would you please tie my shoe?'

6) POLICE # 2
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van
in front of the station.. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner,
Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a
dog you got back there?' he asked.
'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the
back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?'

7) ELDERLY
While working for an organization that delivers
lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on
my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various
appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and
wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth
soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of
questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will
never believe this!'

Cool DRESS-UP
A little girl was watching her parents dress for a
party. When she saw her dad donning his tuxedo, she warned, 'Daddy,
you shouldn't wear that suit.'
'And why not, darling?'
'You know that it always gives you a headache the next morning.'

9) DEATH
While walking along the sidewalk in front of his
church, our minister heard the intoning of a prayer that nearly made
his collar wilt. Apparently, his 5-year-old son and his playmates had
found a dead robin. Feeling that proper burial should be performed,
they had secured a small box and cotton batting, then dug a hole and
made ready for the disposal of the deceased.
The minister's son was chosen to say the appropriate
prayers and with sonorous dignity intoned his version of what he
thought his father always said: 'Glory be unto the Faaather, and unto
the Sonnn, and into the hole he goooes.' (I want this line used at my
funeral!)

10) SCHOOL
A little girl had just finished her first week of
school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't
read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'

11) BIBLE
A little boy opened the big family Bible. He was
fascinated as he fingered through the old pages. Suddenly, something
fell out of the Bible. He picked up the object and looked at it. What
he saw was an old leaf that had been pressed in between the pages.
'Mama, look what I found,' the boy called out.
'What have you got there, dear?'
With astonishment in the young boy's voice, he
answered, 'I think it's Adam 's underwear!'
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Re: Hope you get a smile out of these…….

Post by kidder on Thu Jul 12, 2012 10:51 pm

All good stuff there Lilian. Some real gems.

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Re: Hope you get a smile out of these…….

Post by VickyS on Fri Jul 13, 2012 8:46 pm


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Re: Hope you get a smile out of these…….

Post by feathers on Fri Jul 13, 2012 9:11 pm

Loved the robin's funeral....into the hole he goooes!

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